His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
