When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
