Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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