I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
