yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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