I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
