You really coming over, don't trick.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
