how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize