There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
