dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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