What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
