Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize