Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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