I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
