This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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