unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
