my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
