so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize