Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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