So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
