Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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