Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
