he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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