Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
