Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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