It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
