Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
