we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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