Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
