After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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