I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
