I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
