I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i died would you start the facebook group?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
