the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
