He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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