she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize