Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
