Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
