Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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