Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
