he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Houston, we have a blender
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize