every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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