I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
