How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize