Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
