he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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