She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
