im about as happy as oj after his trial
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
