I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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