i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
