Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
