Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
