i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
this hospital has no fireball
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
