Girls should come with a carfax report
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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