is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
