i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize