I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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