Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
