i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
