Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
