Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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