Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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