i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
