would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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