she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
