i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
