Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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