His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
