i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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