How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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