I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
