I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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