Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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