These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize