Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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