I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
