Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
