dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
