i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
