My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
