You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
