just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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