Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have fence marks all over my body
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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