Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
