Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
