She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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