What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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