I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
