He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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