So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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