oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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