just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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