I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
