You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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