Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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