One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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