Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize