You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
