i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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