I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
