great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
