so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
